Are We Setting Our Kids Up for Failure?

Students students everywhere – learners are few and far between.

I would like to address a pressing issue that seems to be at the core of every student’s life – the need for tuition and coaching outside the ambit of the school.

The children of today don’t seem to have it easy. After a full day of academic pursuits in school, most of them are ferried around by parents to “gain in depth knowledge” and “master” the subjects. This marks the grand entry of Coaching Centres, Tutors, and Group Classes. .

Every parent wants to ensure that his or her ward has the very best of support and motivation to move ahead and achieve what they are meant to achieve. After all, everything seems to be a numbers game. Superlative marks and top grades are often viewed as the end goal. Parental encouragement is assumed to be “not enough”. Extra classes and focus groups are assumed to ensure that the child never stops working towards the goal.

This “support” is based on easy solutions, and one size fits all methodologies. Not to mention the exorbitant costs of well reputed tutors, often running into a couple of thousands on an hourly basis. Six month lock in options, one year advance fees; the EMI options in the Housing Finance industry seem more flexible.     

In the bargain, the young minds of students seem to lose the ability to think, analyse and solve a problem on their own. Talented thinkers are rendered dull – constantly bombarded with information, not given an opportunity to explore problems and devise creative solutions on their own. After all, all they need to do is solve 22 questions in one hour to go home and report “their success” to the parents.

Students become extremely dependent on the support of these external factors. They might go on to benefit theoretically and achieve fantastic academic results; but, my friend, do not denounce the huge cost these marks are coming at. Logical reasoning, cognitive skills, practical application of classroom knowledge— all these factors are sadly missing. 

Rewind back to our own school years. Additional academic support was few and far between outside of school. We resorted to group studying with peers, seeking help from our own parents or asking the friendly neighbourhood elder sibling of a friend to help clear some doubts. But, these sessions were less than ten in a year. We gained high degrees of self-worth and are known to regale our children with tales of our own struggles. Why not let our children recreate history? 

Parenting itself is a constant work in progress. Parents too are learning how to care and provide for their wards; no tuition classes for that (yet!)

Parents, give your wards a chance to self-learn. Let them be their own teacher. Let them chew that pencil and erase and rework their worksheets. Provide them a gentle nudge and then step back. Allow them to explore their own capabilities. An achievement based on one’s own hard work is the best confidence booster for a student. After all, beyond the world of academics, you cannot possibly tutor your child to face all of life’s challenges.

I had an interesting conversation with an Admissions Counsellor of a renowned US based University, he was amazed at the high octane energy and super achievements of all the children from India who have sent in their applications. From startups to crowdfunding, innumerable medals in sports to constructing a shelter for an orphanage – our children seem to have done it all -before the age of 18!

“Parental support (read 100% involvement from start to finish) has given these applications an obvious scope way beyond the capabilities of the young student. Are we to grade the student who is seeking admission or should we congratulate the parents for a job well done?”, he asked me with amusement.

As a premium coach and academic counsellor myself, I urge parents to have faith in their children. My organisation has chosen to launch an online learning portal for the SAT & ACT with a clear diktat to let the student pace herself or himself. Let self-learning and, thereby, self-discovery be the new mantra.      

Give them a chance to perform well in the Exam of Life. Remember, life’s tests do not come with past 10 year question papers!